| typhoon reming |
[02 Dec 2006|03:47pm] |
intramuros on a cloudy day and aching feet..
no worries, i'm in the presence of love.
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[04 Aug 2006|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Aside from the depressing feeling of being rejected, another thing I hate the most is sincerely wishing someone to die. Easy, you might say. Simply undo the death wish for the person. But what if the sincerity comes not only from your mind but from every inch of your being-- bones, muscles, joints, organs and cells? I must really hate someone to gravely wish a person to die … and I do. I honestly do.
If killing is a mortal sin, then is wishing someone to die a sin as well?
(add to that query the fact that I do not plan to execute anything that would physically harm the person.)
I’m a good person. I know I am. But this someone, who I fervently wish to die, is making me a bad one which is why I’m hating the person more.
If karma is real, then when is this person’s doom bound to happen?
I hope it happens soon… I really really do.
Someone teach me a vanishing spell so I can eliminate this person from my life once and for all.
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[02 Aug 2006|10:55am] |
My pending employment in either Businessworld or HSBC got me thinking about one thing. It is this one thing that I think is making it hard for me to find a job that suits me.
If you take a look at my resume, you’d find it hard to pinpoint one thing that I’m really good at. What job can you give a Chinese painting-events planning-visual arts and communications student who used to be a member of an organization who helps cancer stricken children?
My point:
I know a lot of things at the superficial level and have no profound wisdom in anything.
This thought has been a nuisance for quite a long time now. It makes me look back on all the lessons I took as a child that I have taken for granted (i.e. Piano, drawing, painting and even swimming). It brings me back on the randomness I took in choosing my classes in college.
My fault:
I picked out classes that had good schedules, with good teachers and with easy A’s.
And look where that got me now. I’m a heap of bits and pieces of art, management and literature. Add to that a phony know-how in band management and event organizing. Its sad that I know so much but really know too little. I remember a job interview I had a couple of months back where my interviewer said “it seems like you’re accustomed to a lot of different things, you know some things about everything.” I would have said thank you to that compliment, but I didn’t get the job. So I guess that was more of a criticism.
I sought advice from a good friend (my personal life coach) and was told to visit this site. I’m still trying to find a way to be good at just one thing. Or maybe two if chance and time and funds permit me.
All this thinking about my superficiality and my phoniness makes me a very negative person and I’ve made a resolution to be optimistic so I’m turning the tables on my self. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing knowing so little about too many things and not knowing so much about one thing (but the naysayer in me thinks otherwise).
Perhaps a more practical idea would be one that will allow me to think that I am young, and youth is an excuse for all the follies and insecurities one has of life. I have a long way to go and when I get my life rolling the way it needs to roll, I might and will have the chance to do better and be a maestro in the craft that I choose.
All I pray for right now is:
Lord help me.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
On a lighter note, I am at this time taking this Chinese herbal weight loss pill that promises to bring down my weight by at least 20lbs in one month. Mommy, who has been trying since time eternal to make me slimmer gave it to me a week ago. This isn’t my first time to try out a fad medicine to lower my weight and I’m still on the “what the heck, try it then” state of mind.
Just wanted to share the selling points of the medicine that I find absolutely hilarious:
Zhen de Shou, different Everyday:
1. On the first day, you will fell rapid heating in your belly
2. at the night of the first day, you will feel fat on eight side of belly is trembling slightly
3. in the morning of the second day you come to water closet and all the wastes converted from fat will be discharged. You will fell that you are relaxed.
4. on the third day, all the deposited fat in the gut and blood vessel will be discharged.
5. on the morning of the fifth day, you will find your face has become vital and beautiful, what a pleasant surprise!
6. on the sixth day you will feel that your whole body has been vitalized by a strong qi in your body. The process of fat decomposition is progressing rapidly. Measuring your waistline, you will find that your waistline has been reduced by 25 cm and your weight has been reduced by 13 kg. Wow, so great!
7. on the tenth day, your weight has been reduced by 2.55 kg Wearing fashionable dress and walking in the street, you will attract eyes of millions of men.
Made me want to think twice about taking the pill….:)
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| looky looky!!! |
[28 Jun 2006|11:40am] |
my boys are on a billboard!!:)
mrt station ortigas,northbound
un nga lang.. blurred mga mukha nila.. hehehe
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| yes ... yes.. and more yes's |
[13 Jun 2006|09:27am] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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I’m turning 23 in a couple of days and due to the lack of money, I decided to give myself a priceless gift. I am giving myself the gift of optimism. And I’m starting right now.
For the last couple of months, I have been hunting for jobs, passing my resume for every imaginable position. ( a starbucks barista included) so far I’ve been to three interviews: 1) iGMA- mobile content artist 2) Ogilvy & Mathers – Account exec 3) Accenture – some analyst job that I might not get even if they decide to hire me.
I realized that with the unspecificness of the classes that I took in college, it is doubly hard to get me a job. But since I’m being optimistic now, that would mean that I would have more choices in terms of my career path. I just pray that my optimism gets me somewhere.
I have also been co-managing/road managing this band (the title really flips me because I don’t know the distinction of which…I might as well be called the official yaya/ personal assistant of the 7 members and 2 other managers) .. and because I’m being optimistic now, I’d like to think that this is fun and it makes me bloom and become more sociable.
Since I quit my old job as administrative chuchu/artists coordinator/events secretariat last march, I’ve been stuck at home doing chores, taking care of my neice (who finally started her classes last week --- meaning I have more free time) and doing domestic work for the family. And since I’m being optimistic starting right now, I am happy to be helping out at home and making our house more livable.
Truth to tell, I was starting to get really resentful of people who have their lives planned out for them. Stupid. It was really stupid of me to be acting like a child who wasn’t given a lollipop when everyone else got loot bags in a kiddie party. I am happy for these people and I’m glad that they’re not in the same situation that I am in right now. I just hope that they’re helping me pray for my own life being planned out for me.
My not being serious about planning my life, and my want of this bohemian whatever-happens life has finally gotten to me. I want to be obsessive about my career, I want to plan out everything and have things going for me before I reach the tender age of 30, and I want to be able to start saving for my future ( life, love, shopping sprees, hobbies, etc.) And since I’m being optimistic now, I will start thinking that when the timing’s right, I too will be able to achieve these things for myself.
Expect more posts on my optimism and my search for a better life in the days, weeks, months & years to come. Its quite odd to have a turning point in life at a very odd age but what the heck…. Positivity is absolutely better than sulking and self – pity. :)
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| why is it that when i'm sick i stink? |
[13 Feb 2006|11:12am] |
dahil siguro kse tamad ako maligo..
4th day of being sick.. shet. shet.shet.
friday:
woke up with a nasty sore throat..kala ko dahil nakabukas ung bibig ko
sa pagtulog kaya natuyo lang lalamunan ko.. so i still went ahead with
my scheduled tasks for the day.. amoranto staduim to drop off documents, mommy's office to drop off her cellphone that she left at home, then office, then shang to buy office supplies then ateneo rockwell for the ateneo homecoming event briefing that our company's trying to get. ayun na.. sobrang sakit na ng lalamunan ko..texted hani na and asked him to buy me lozenges coz i won't be able to go to any drugstore and i still had another meeting to go to after ateneo.. sweet sweet hani bought me difflam right away. after rockwell meeting, off to pacific star for event bid presentation with my bosses. was feeling really terrible by this time, but had to look alert daw eh.. so fine. tapos naglabas pa ng popcorn sa meeting. mehn.. i wanted to eat all the popcorn that was infront of me pero di ko kaya.. shet shet.. then after the meeting, my bosses went their separate ways and i was left in makati.. hahahahhaah.. dali lang naman.. ang kaso.. LAHAT NG LECHENG TAXI SA MAKATI MAY SAKAY! so i texted hani and asked him to meet me at chowking at pacific star na lang. para kong tanga.. di ko lam pano makaalis ng makati..anyway, we met we went out for dinner and went home.
saturday:
slept practically the whole first half of the day and then spend the afternoon with hani. was still feeling sick but wanted to watch a movie so we went to gateway to watch fun with dick and jane.. it was a comedy but honestly, that movie is depressing... too much of a reality for me..
sunday:
woke up crying because my throat was really not cooperating anymore. couldn't swallow so my saliva was pouring like niagara..wanted to get confined na so texted my doctor and asked her if she could check me up. texted hani and felt a little better and went to laguna to have my check up.. turns out i have tonsilitis.. and that my throat was inflamed. (tama ba un?)
today:
didn't go to work, staying at home but will be working on something later.. hay.. am taking 3 meds and it makes me sleepy... ay sus... oh well..
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| a slice of purgatory |
[31 Dec 2005|10:20pm] |
Purging is an act of taking away, of abolition and of eradication of whatever we want out of our system.
I am now purging all the stupidity I’ve managed to accomplish in the past year.
I’ve been stupid in taking care of myself. I purge myself of martyrdom. I don’t aim to be a hero and I don’t aim to be the person of the year. Tama na ang pagiging martir.
I’ve been stupid in my decisions. I purge myself from rash assessment of things. I have a long way to go and if it will have to take forever to decide things that would eventually make my entire life worth living, I will.
I’ve been stupid in my relations with other people. I purge myself from nurturing worthless friendships that destroy me. I’ve got enough friends who love me and that should be enough.
I’ve been stupid in, what else, love. I purge myself of all the stupid longings and pointless hopings i have put myself into this year. MABUHAY ang mga single.
I’ve been stupid in dealing with myself. I purge myself from self-destruction and from self-pity. Next to God and my family, I should be extra nice to myself. I’m the only one I’ve got.
I’ve been stupid in life. I purge myself from blindness. There’s so much I need to see and so much I need to realize.
Whew.. SARAP NG FEELING!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
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| hmm... |
[15 Dec 2005|04:53pm] |
What does your handwriting say about YOU?
The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.
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[27 Nov 2005|11:14pm] |
i have realized this way back but it's just now that i really hit me:
i'm such a people pleaser
and i'm starting to hate myself.
funny thing is, i'd go the extra mile for anyone as long as they're not members of my immediate family. how bad can i get?!?!
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[21 Nov 2005|11:36pm] |
advice from my friend: stick to your world.
advice from another friend: .. do what you feel you need to do ok? ... be at peace with yourself cause at the end of the day, at the end of life.. that's what will count. sleep well.
and yet another advice: quit.
and this time, i think i'm more comfortable to stay in the uncertainty of quitting.
why is growing up so hard?
i always thought that life in school was the worst. but hey, i never worked a day in my life in school.
not that work life is the worst. its fantastic. its just so, well, uncertain, and difficult, and well, yeah, uncertain.
ow, and complicated.
stick to my world? what world was she talking about? a world of pure bliss and innocence? or a world of hiding in the falseness of it all? or was it the world i grew up in where everything was right, good and honest?
not everything in my world now is right, nor good nor honest.
maybe that was the world she was talking about.
but what if in this world i'm at right now, i feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be? what do i do now?
hell, if i knew i wouldn't be feeling so lost now would i?
peter pan syndrome coming back..
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[21 Nov 2005|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
oh yes, i'm still alive.
powcha. my mind's not working.. again!
picture story na lang..
one day, this little gurl got so bored.
so her friends got her this: 
then, this little girl , to bring sunshine to the little girl's life, did this: (she thought the electric fan was a nifty microphone!
then, she felt artistic and came up with this! 
then she said... i need this... 
then she felt....  how sad..
so she went to the bakeshop and ate  . this made her sleepy. , so she slept.
(damn it. my mind's gone mush.)
skip skip.. on to the next post......................................
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[05 Oct 2005|05:30pm] |
i can't breathe..
anyway, bored again..
ey kirb, thanks for the ride last monday! you're the bestest! :)
la lang.. just wanted to post something..
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[22 Sep 2005|04:59pm] |
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mood |
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 pick me up from this mess..... |
] |
i'm feeling really bad right now.
bad throat. i'm having a hard time swallowing.. tss.
am continuing work after the muzik experience and well, i'm glad things are slowly pickin up.
this week, i've been having dinner out almost everyday, this is bad considering that i'm slowly losing all the cash i got... all 3k of it..tssss... i neeeeeddd mooonneeeyyyyy....
saw patty today. astig.. cute tlaga ng mga mommy. patty, i mished u!
saw andrei the other day.. halloowww.. thank u sa libre ulit! and hope you got home safe.. mag pa load ka naman.
and haze... salamat sa looonnggg talk last night.. antok na antok ako going to work kanina...:)
had dinner with van the other night at OJs.. and saw kla too! saya!
had a nomnom with my tripper friends. mga ulol kayo... ang babaw talaga ng kaligayahan natin.
and now, i'm sick.. i hate being sick. i want to vomit and pass out. i'm sssiiiccckkkk......:(
boo. walang kwenta tong post na to..
sigh...............
you know how bad it feels finding something bad about a friend and realizing that its true but you just can't admit it to yourself because ud like to believe that he/she is so much better than that?
powcha. couldn't sleep last night because of that.
is it true that you can never change a person? i've been changed by so many people that i feel i have the responsibility of changing him.
aysus.. am i making sense? aysus.. lasing ata ako.
don't want to go to work tomorrowwwwwwww... i'm sssiiicccckkkk...:(
am reading pala eleven minutes by paulo coelho. astig. i can relate..pero di ako prostitute ah...
hmm.....
sakit ng ulo ko ah...
this is bad..
i think i'm starting to black out..
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........
im sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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| i'm going to baguio tomorrow.. i'm going to baguio tomorrow!!! |
[01 Sep 2005|07:52am] |
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mood |
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baguio here i come! |
] |
it's funny how much i fix in my head (and heart) when i'm at baguio. i go there to think, to think and to forget. i'm leaving my problems there this weekend. and hopefully,i don't leave any here in manila as a reserve when i get back.
u bad. i hate you for loggin out of YM everytime i log in. p*ta ka!
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| tsss.... |
[29 Aug 2005|11:29am] |
its been a while and after reading backlog posts ( a hundred i suppose) i suddenly realized how much i missed LJ-ing.
work has been great. stressful but great. been learning a lot of things about life and shit.
there's this confusion growing in me though. being a gemini and all, i think my alter ego has finally decided to come out. seems like i don't know myself anymore sometimes. feels like i'm a totally different person.
anyhoo.. muziklaban season is about to end and well, tear tear, i'm gonna miss it for whatever fucking reason there is. first project, first job, first time to cry at a job, a lot of firsts actually that i can't really say.
was talking to my mom earlier this morning and she realized that i was living at our house for free. so she decided to make me pay for the PLDT bill starting next month. g-r-e-a-t. as if i'm earning enough for me to even help out at home. her point was that i was the one who insists on having a landline at home, so i pay for it. WHO THE HELL DOESN'T HAVE A LANDLINE AT HOME??!?!?!
but well, probably me losing an average of 1.5K a month won't hurt me so much. after all, my money has been spent carelessly on food and alcohol for the last couple of months. maybe a little responsibility won't be too bad for me.
been working like hell really. waking up at 3 am on a sunday just to make sure that the transportation of bands to the airport goes smoothly, not sleeping for 3 days because of stress (honestly, sleep is so much of a luxury now a days), going to work on a holiday. but i'm not complaining, work is work. and i'm here so i better do it.
speaking of which, i have to work now. bleh.
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| wla lang... |
[11 Jul 2005|03:35pm] |
'Doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-Wah!'
>
> It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life,
> and Mentos is fresh and full of life.
>
> Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool,
> with Mentos, fresh and full of life.
>
> Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better
> with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
>
> Mentos, the freshmaker!
>
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| loooooonnnggggg dayyyyyy |
[07 Jul 2005|04:49pm] |
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the day started with a breakfast meal of eggs and crab meat at around 7:30 am.
i was hoping i could extend sleep until around 9 but i had to drag my big ass out of bed to bring my mom to work. after breakfast it took me about an hour to finish gruelling housework (since we don't have a maid AGAIN!) then i took a really long bath ( to prepare me for war today at work..)
at around 9, i was at BPI kalayaan doing deposits for mudrabells, when i remembered that i was coded nga pala today! hay naku! buti na lang walang MMDA sa kalayaan. so, to kill time, i spent another hour at eunilane reading every hallmark card they've got and looking at all the calorie contents of candies, chips, etc... putcha. dami ko pala di pwedeng kainin.
then off to work... arrived at the office at around 10:07 just in time to do my deposits for the provincial coordinators. nyahahaha.. pwede ba, pakilakihan ang signage ng BANCO FILIPINO sa ortigas extension dahil josko, ang hirap hanapin!umabot na ko ng ever gotesco. anyyyywayyy....
after that, i had to make deposits at BPI (agian!!) at julia vargas. josko. haba ng pila. i was 12th in line. and each transaction takes at least 5 minutes! and that was at around 1230 pm na.. eh i was supposed to meet one of the bosses at San miguel pa for a 2 pm mtg at 1:30. mehn, ngarag at panic to the max! (pero shempre, grace under pressure...)after about 45 minutes at the bank, back to the office to get stuff for the meeting.. (hay, buti na lang madaming mabait sa office na tumutulong sakin..)then 2 bites of potato cheese omelette ala ice and off to san miguel. meeting meeting then back to the office.. nyaaaaaahhhh!!! nakakaloka.. kumakausap na naman ako ng mga gremlin sa phone, sa text, sa email.. llllloooorrrddd!!!!!
anyway, buhay pa naman ako.. eto mejo relaxed na.. thank goodness the day is almost over.
----
on other things, i started reading my bible again.
grabe.. sobrang i needed that.
each time i open it, i get all choked up.ewan.. i'm super stressed lang and i guess i'm just thankful kuya jess is just there always.
----
nyayayayahhahaha.. eto na naman ako.. i don't know how to end things like this.. so babay na..
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| random thoughts. |
[27 Jun 2005|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
Dear world,
How's it going? I feel so out of touch with you, mainly because of the following reasons:
1)I lost my dear dear celphone. last saturday, as i was working at one of the "coolest" malls, i got mobbed by about a hundred of the "coolest" punk-goths in town!They were going gaga over the entry forms of the coolest rock challenge in the Philippines. Beats me if they really intend to join or if they thought we were giving away premium items. point is, they were going crazy over a peice of photocopied paper that they probably won't even need. The culprit who got my celphone was awfully skilled in his trade for he/she managed to get it from inside my bag which was slinged on mel, and well, he/she had the decency to close it again, (wawa naman daw siguro ako if my things go spilling on the floor.) Didn't even realize my fone was gone until each and every one of the gremlins left. When i was about to check my messages, i didn't have an phone to check it with already. Boo. Unfortunately, payday isn't near yet, so i don't know when i'd be able to get myself a new phone. I'm sick of hand-me-downs and i want a new fone, boo again.
2)Our landline at home has been cut. It has been five days since i last got to talk to friends while comfortably lounging in my room. Asked my dad what happened nad he hasn't got a clue. Bottomline is, PLDT sucks. with paid bills and all, they decide to still cut it off.
and 3) Because we don't have a landline, i can't go online. Good thing there's DSL at the office and when things are not so crazy, ( like right now...hehehe) i try to abuse the free net.
i am so kawawa.. boo boo boo... i miss my phone and my camwhore days. boo talaga...
love,
jengga
----
on other news, i think that the punk-gothic scene is crazy. To me it has become an epidemic among young people who dream of being cool. Actually, i think it has become a lifestyle ( parang homosexuality, only difference is, i have so much respect for homosexuals and i'm allergic to gremlins.)
-----
as i was doing errands last saturday, i saw some metroaide ladies relaxing at the benches under the shaw-edsa flyover. then one particular lady started tickling my imagination. I imagined her to be a donya of those big haciendas in the north with huge fold up fans and pearls and jades all over her. What if in another universe, she was indeed rich and not a streetsweeper? astig noh?
----
ok back to work.....
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moonwatcher18's journal
bouncy
